May 30, 2008
IDENTIFY
I want to share excerpts from the readers that responded as a perfect illustration of where most of us focus our attention.
(If you haven't, PLEASE READ last week's blog "NOW WHAT?" at www.emotionalmoney.blogspot.com.)before reading further.
READER #1
"I do several things when I'm out of alignment.
Anger and sarcasm and blame flare up "out of nowhere."
For the past year : a big ball of stress sits in my stomach, creating a big balloon making me look 6 months pregnant. Is it a food allergy, or is it stress? Perhaps both...I spend and then avoid. I avoid and take a nap."
EMOTIONAL MONEY #1. If you haven't already..identify your Habitual Coping Mechanism.
READER #2 I avoid the central problem and my emotions around it by
a) workaholism: focusing all my attention on work (the next show/performance), b) "gambling-like" behavior: betting my emotional wellbeing on how many CDs I sell,
c) over-thinking, disconnecting from heart/feeling,
d) emotional eating, reaching for sugar to placate,
e) relationship addiction: clinging to my romantic relationship for a sense of value and worth.
EMOTIONAL MONEY #2. Identify the specific cause for your core to be out of alignment.
READER #2 Low Self-Esteem. Feeling unworthy of having what I need and want. It has me engaging in so much internal self-criticism, comparison to others, self-sabotage, keeping what I need at bay....
What is identified in both of these examples are the RESULTS or the MANIFESTATIONS of what occurs for them when they are not IN alignment. Our attention remains on the results versus the specific cause. "Low-Self Esteem, feeling unworthy.." SO then we take action based on that result. But what we really want to do is to identify the root cause for being out of alignment. For example, in these cases IDENTIFY the cause for the "low self esteem", "feeling unworthy", "anger and sarcasm and blame." Acknowledging the anger, sarcasm and blame is one layer. And it's excellent and necessary to acknowledge this first layer. Now, in order to alter our habitual coping mechanisms we need to dig a little deeper and IDENTIFY THE ROOT CAUSE.
For example, I mentioned before that I gained the 70 pounds and at my first layer the issue was food and the action I took was to join Weight Watchers. That was one layer. I was losing weight but I was still deeply depressed and unhappy. I avoided the next layer for a long time but finally I had to admit that my issue wasn't food, it was my relationship with my husband. Once I was willing to identify that, then I took action. But once I left him I was still "unsatisfied". I had to explore another layer. My relationship to myself. I never truly felt at peace so I would get in a relationship, stay busy and/or eat to distract myself from how I was feeling about myself. Weight Watchers addressed only one aspect. The root I discovered was that I felt that there was something wrong with me. I believe this was as a result of not growing up with my father. I was told that he loved me but I, as a child, never understood why he didn't come and get me. What was wrong with me, why didn't he want me? (I always said this same line in my head in every relationship. I would take something that the person did or didn't do as a sign that they didn't really want me). As my regular readers know, my mother is my best friend, and I pretended forever that she was all I needed. But over time I had to admit to myself that I was hurt that I didn't have my father in my life. I was looking at my boyfriend's, husbands, male friends to fulfill my father's place. "Prove to me that I'm wanted." Of course nothing they did could ever be enough. No one could fulfill this, except my father. I had to get to the root of what was going on for me. The sheer act and courage of admitting how painful it was to not have my father caused a brand new opening for me and my life. It caused me to reach for my father instead of a relationship, another way to stay busy and/or food. It caused me to discover that his actions had nothing to do with me. It caused me to allow the little girl to mourn what can never be replaced. AND by finally admitting it, it allowed me to move forward anew and discover my identity as myself separate from my parents, my past and my root belief that I was not worthy of being wanted.
My habitual coping pattern: eating, getting and staying in unhealthy relationships, and staying busy, busy, busy.
I can pay attention to the habitual coping patterns and put on band aids that address them (the trend of our culture)OR I can Identify the Root.
The clue that you are paying attention to the band aids is when you experience your life, money, relationships and decisions as the "same."
If you're exploring the root, you may feel scared but the release will outweigh the fears and frustrations. The choices you make from there will address all aspects of your habits. And a clearing will be created for new and empowering...choices.
PLAN OF ACTION
IDENTIFY THE ROOT CAUSE FOR HABITUAL COPING MECHANISMS
(Please email me at emotionalmoney@gmail.com with your habitual coping mechanism and the identified root cause and/or questions. It is helping me clarify my journey and for those that have shared and that are reading, I hope it will help identify your root).
EVENTS
TOMORROW
Changing the World from the Inside Out
A special 6-hour continuous internet broadcast
Featuring Ken Wilber, Deepak Chopra, Andrew Cohen and more...
(You can come to the center at 243 30th Street (1 block from Penn station)and listen in on any section that interests you. I'll be there all day. I hope to see you there!
Saturday May 31 , 2008
11:00am - 5:00pm
Note: To participate in this special event you must register as an Evolutionary. http://www.andrewcohen.org/events/schedule.asp
May 31 marks the beginning of the inaugural launch of the Evolutionary Enlightenment Practitioner program. Practitioners are already making dynamic and innovative change using the teachings of Evolutionary Enlightenment in diverse settings. From prisons to third grade school classes, the mayor’s office in a city in Australia to the film set of NBC’s Law & Order, these powerful teachings about coming together beyond ego and taking responsibility for the future are having a significant impact.
Program
11am - 12pm
Featured Guests: Carter Phipps and Elizabeth Debold, Executive and Senior Editors of What Is Enlightenment? magazine
Topic: A Brief History of Cultural Change
12pm - 1pm
Host Jeff Carreira
Topic and Guests to be announced
1pm - 2pm
Featured Guests: Ken Wilber, integral philosopher, and founder of Integral Institute in dialogue with Andrew Cohen
Topic: Live Guru and Pandit Dialogue on Changing the World from the Inside Out
2pm - 4pm
Host Jeff Carreira
Topic and Guests to be announced
4pm - 5pm
Featured Guest: Deepak Chopra, spiritual teacher, author and founder of the Chopra Center for Wellbeing in dialogue with Andrew Cohen
Topic: How to Inject New Ideas into Main Stream Culture
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