July 28, 2008


LOOKING BACK

As I return from Washington, DC. having celebrated the 20th anniversary of the theatre where my acting career began, having spoken to my ex husband to confirm the last stages of finalizing our divorce, seeing a friend I haven't seen in over 10 years and seeing my beloved highschool drama teacher, there was confirmation of the many broken habits that have my life being unrecognizable now. Sometimes going back is the the best way to see and be reminded how far you've come as you prepare to embark on new steps forward.

Breaking Patterns
by Mark Nepo

We go into change rehearsing the history that brought us to this
point.
-Parker Palmer

Often we have to rehearse the truth, until we find the courage to live
it. In this, repetition is not failure, but the heart’s way to learn
how to be in the world. Yet like everything else of significance, this
process has an attractive yet false counterpart waiting nearby to
distract us. We can describe the repeating that is unnecessary as the
reliving of scripts, or unconscious repeating, and the repeating that is
necessary as the rehearsing of truth, or conscious repeating. And we
could say that the near enemy of rehearsing the truth is being trapped
in reliving scripts. Though the difference between these is hard to keep
in view-especially when in the throes of either.

Nevertheless, the way an actress rehearses the situations she is given
until her character is one with the character she is playing, the drama
of life demands that we put in the effort to consciously work with what
we’re given until we practice our way into honest living. Without such
effort, we lapse into unconscious entanglements, like a dog that
incessantly tangles itself in its leash. And as such a dog will push its
ball out of reach and whine and pout, we can nudge the truth of who we
are beyond the reach of our self-created limitations and whine and pout
and grow sad. In this way, when we repeat our reactions to living and
not our attempts to live, we find ourselves trapped.

In contrast, Paula Underwood Spencer wisely states,“If you want to be
truly understood, you need to say everything three times. Once for each
ear, and once for the heart.” The implication is that things that are
worth experiencing and communicating have to be repeated in order to
grasp and share the fullness of their meaning. We must enter them more
than once, receive them more than once, articulate them more than once,
and listen more than once. This brings us back to rehearsing the truth.
So when something is working you and you’ve only barely spoken of it,
don’t limit your growth because you have no one else to talk to. Find
a willing stranger and make a new friend. The growth of our soul demands
that we break all hesitation.

When feeling the press of the patterns that govern our lives, these
distinctions are muddy. Often, it is a slow and unclear process to move
from unconscious repeating to conscious rehearsing. But this slow
clarifying is part of self-transformation. The process is powerfully
distilled by Portia Nelson in her poem, “Autobiography in Five Short
Chapters”:

I walk, down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in
I am lost . . . I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in . . . it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.


So breaking patterns involves repeating. There is no getting around it,
though we are always pressed to discern whether we are reliving what
doesn’t work or peeling away of what is false. In addition to this, we
are frequently swimming like salmon against the current of a disposable
society that discourages us from looking at anything more than once. It
reminds me of the lonely woman and the second flower.In early spring,
she is stopped by a burst of sun on a peony on the north side of the
city. A few days later, she sees another peony in her friend’s yard.
But she thinks, “I’ve seen this flower before.” And so she
doesn’t pay attention.But it is the second flower that holds a
secret for her.Pretty soon, she thinks life is repeating, when all that
is repeating is her want for a flower she’s never seen.
*****************************************
These reflections are excerpts from several books, including a new book
of poems, Surviving Has Made Me Crazy, CavanKerry Press, and a new book
of spiritual non-fiction, Facing the Lion, Being the Lion: Inner Courage
and Where It Lives, Red Wheel/Conari Press. For more info, please visit
www.MarkNepo.com.


THANK YOU MARK.

PLAN OF ACTION:
Take a moment to look back and see how far you've come. How many holes have you've gotten yourself out of, how many have you avoided?



ANNOUNCEMENT
Share - Sublet (8/15-11/15)

Available 8/15, 1bedroom share in a 2 bedroom apt for 1 month then I will be
leaving town for 2 months and the apt will become a sublet. The rent will be $1250
each of the 3 months. $600 deposit required.
Located in the 140's in Harlem. Top floor, sunny, great view, elevator, laundry
in building. Five minute walk to A,B,C,D and 3 trains. 10 minute ride to mid-town.
Path Mark and New York Sports Club less than a block away.
Cable and heat included. Pay 1/2 Con Ed for 1st month then entire bill the
remaining 2 months.
No smokers or pets please.

Call 646- 232- 7817 or e-mail wiley24@earthlink.net.


EVENTS:
Peaceful Productivity for Busy Professionals
Learn the 5 Master Keys to time management and planning in a teleclass that people are calling a "life-saver," "powerful," and "inspirational"! Visit http://www.TurnOnToLife.com/teleclass.html

Enlightennext
Every Thursday 7pm-10pm at 243 30th Street, 11th Floor
Meditation, vegetarian meal & a world wide conference call
www.enlightennext.org




If you're not on the Emotional Money mailing list, sign up today to receive a special attachment that they received this week. Please send your email address to emotionalmoney@gmail.com and I'll forward you the attachment.

________________________________________________
Any affirmations, suggestions, requests, job notices, teleseminars or events please email me at emotionalmoney@gmail.com. Any comments regarding any of the weekly "Emotional Money" issues please post and join in the conversation. To unsubscribe to "Emotional Money" weekly ezine type in subject line "unsubscribe Emotional Money." To unsubscribe to all notices regarding Samarra Am Management events type in subject line "unsubscribe Samarra Am Management."

Copyright 2008

July 21, 2008

RED LIGHTS AND GREEN

I was riding on the very first car of the Path train last week. I was fascinated by the overlapping and crisscrossing of the tracks at certain points throughout the journey. Each track leading to its own separate and singular destination. The only way to know if you’re on the right track is to have the skills and knowledge as the train driver does because he has traveled the tracks many times. Or if less knowledgeable, simply pick a track and see if the track ends in a place that you'd like to be. In life sometimes, when it doesn’t end where we thought, we have the option to get back on the train and try again. Sometimes the damage done leaves us meandering so we get off and on the train at every stop, versus simply going back to place where the tracks crisscrossed in the first place.

I was also struck by the fact that the light signals stayed red right up until we got to the light. Once we were on it then it would turn green. If the train just stopped then the light would simply stay red. Sometimes we have to keep moving forward in the direction toward a big red light in order to get it to turn green. It would be easier if we just had a long line of green lights to lead us on our way. Many times it's simply our trust and faith in ourselves, like the driver that didn't alter his speed, to keep the same momentum despite what our eyes see that will CAUSE the light to turn green.

The most fascinating moment was when there was a tall red signal that looked just like the signals we had before but to the left there was also a smaller green signal. I assumed since the red light looked like the others that that was our signal and we'd have to stop. But instead of taking in my surroundings anew; noticing that we were at a different point in the journey, outside with many more tracks, I didn’t realize that the familiar red light was no longer for us. Ours was now a small signal to the left. That new light was green. How many times when faced with a choice between red and green, even when your surroundings are brand new have you chosen what was familiar and kept looking at the red, ignoring the green?



PLAN OF ACTION:
When it comes time to open your mail, pay a bill and track your daily spending, we often see big red lights. There's a pile on your desk or hidden in a file drawer somewhere. If you want to see green around your finances, YOU must move forward first for the light to turn from red to green. Open your mail, make payment arrangements, and track your spending.
If you've tried time and time again. Read the attachment and give me a call to get back to the place where the tracks crisscrossed in the first place.





EVENTS:
Peaceful Productivity for Busy Professionals
Learn the 5 Master Keys to time management and planning in a teleclass that people are calling a "life-saver," "powerful," and "inspirational"! Visit http://www.TurnOnToLife.com/teleclass.html

Enlightennext
Every Thursday 7pm-10pm at 243 30th Street, 11th Floor
Meditation, vegetarian meal & a world wide conference call
www.enlightennext.org

Thank you so much to the many of you that welcomed me back and were inspired by last week's blog. It's beautiful to hear from you!!!


If you're not on the Emotional Money mailing list, sign up today to receive a special attachment that they received this week. Please send your email address to emotionalmoney@gmail.com and I'll forward you the attachment.

________________________________________________
Any affirmations, suggestions, requests, job notices, teleseminars or events please email me at emotionalmoney@gmail.com. Any comments regarding any of the weekly "Emotional Money" issues please post and join in the conversation. To unsubscribe to "Emotional Money" weekly ezine type in subject line "unsubscribe Emotional Money." To unsubscribe to all notices regarding Samarra Am Management events type in subject line "unsubscribe Samarra Am Management."

Copyright 2008

July 14, 2008


I'M BACK & ALIGNED


My last entry was on May 30, 2008. I apologize for disappearing. I have missed you. I was missing me. I couldn't write any longer about having the courage to follow your core and holding yourself responsible and accountable for your life when I wasn't.

As many of you know I have been in a battle around trying to get rid of my debt, I have been working in a job that pays weekly but that was mind numbing, I gained 30 pounds, and my relationships have been learning experiences that have ended.

I've been doing the same thing and I've been getting the same results. However after losing my grandmother, I could no longer believe that I have all the time in the world or that my life and what I choose to do with it and in it doesn't matter. I became very aware of how small I play, hiding behind my fears and plain ole "I don't wanna" 2 year old behaviors. But I didn't take any actions around this realization except to continue to hide. But then allowing myself to be in a different relationship meant I had to take action if I wanted different results. I am with someone now that knows who he is and is mature and doesn't react to my 2 old tantrums. When there is someone in your life that knows who they are and knows and respects your highest self, the lack of drama is...new, scary and very different. I couldn't just think that I was mature and grown, I had to actually practice BEING that. It's very challenging but also very freeing. Conversation, communication, accountability and responsibility practiced by both adults leaves little room for drama, misunderstandings and uncontrollable fears. Of course, once I chose to take on the challenge of this lens, I was also able to clearly see how my choices around my business, my eating habits and staying at my job were also products of my 2 year old behaviors. To each of these very important areas of my life, I could give as much or as little as I felt like on my own terms. If I had to do something a little more challenging outside of my comfort zone I could resort to "I don't wanna" and I wouldn't. My life has greatly improved but the freedom, abundance, and impact I dream of, I am not even close. Taking on the challenge has been worth it in my relationship, and each day I have to chose to take on the challenge and quiet the habit of “I don’t wanna.”

I decided to rejoin weight watchers. I had to admit to myself that I need the support to help me continuously be accountable to work out, plan my meals and eat healthily. I can't afford to pretend that food isn't my drug of choice. For my lifetime I will need to stay with a supportive structure around my relationship to food. It doesn't mean that it won't get easier but it does mean that I'll need to stay within a structure to be able to maintain and sustain my goal weight. I have 3 pounds to go!

My job provided me with a nice security blanket. The cost was that I was bored out of my mind. And it allowed me to not have to give my all to my business. First, I tried to change my hours at my job. That made me happy for about a week. But the drain of a job that I really hated, made me so tired everyday that I didn't have the energy to do my business. Whatever the benefits, they no longer mattered, I was miserable and truly dreaded Mondays. We moved floors where I was now going to be relegated to a 6 foot cubicle, little light and no window. That was it. I quit and amazingly have been busy with new customers and contacts ever since. I'm wide awake and fully energized. I sat down to write my blog and this time my fingers kept moving.

My debt; well all I can say is that is where my attention was focused and it would go down almost to nothing and bam something else would occur. Since my focus has usually been on lack - then no matter what I've done that is where I've ended. I worked that job to take care of my debt and it's still there. So... how about I try something I've never ever dared try before. Holding myself accountable and responsible for my actions, desires and wishes. When things stop going my way, I'll keep going anyway. I will be debt free. But in the mean time I will be focusing my attention on abundance and being free. I've seen it with my customers so I know it's true - when we focus on our core and take action from there, everything else falls in place. Those things, actions, people and debts that are not in alignment with our core, fall away.

I feel a security and confidence that I have never felt before. The only constant in life is change. And I would be naive to say that I won't have some rough patches or periods of doubt but my underlying foundation is to faith, maturity, responsibilty and abundance.

Emotional Money will be posted and sent every Monday.
Stay tuned for my upcoming regular free seminar series and new product announcements. Originally when I envisioned this blog I envisioned it as a dialog among me and the readers. As we enter into our third year together - I really invite you to share your story, your questions, issues and concerns. When we remain alone - we really see and attract to us that which we already know. It's been a month and a half and my life is...unrecognizable in every area. I thank you for being a part of Emotional Money. September 4th will be its 3 year anniversary! I hope it has been as helpful and inspirational to you as it has been for me. Another major clue to myself that I wasn't completely in alignment was that I was writing my blog later and later each week until I just couldn't write it at all. I'm Back and Aligned.


I'm looking forward to continued growth. May we all grow in abundance, peace, and inspiration TOGETHER one moment, one minute, one hour, one day, one month, one year at a time. Life is a gift. LET'S LIVE FREE, FULFILLED and INSPIRED!


PLAN OF ACTION:
Please share your thoughts, suggestions and/or questions at emotionalmoney@gmail.com
What have you been up to for yourself and your life since May 30th?

_______________________________________________________________________
Any affirmations, suggestions, requests, job notices, teleseminars or events please email me at emotionalmoney@gmail.com. Any comments regarding any of the weekly "Emotional Money" issues please post and join in the conversation. To unsubscribe to "Emotional Money" weekly ezine type in subject line "unsubscribe Emotional Money." To unsubscribe to all notices regarding Samarra Am Management events type in subject line "unsubscribe Samarra Am Management."

Copyright 2008