June 4, 2007

RAIN OR RAINBOW

"The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
Dolly Parton


So very close. I was only a couple of hundred of dollars away from getting rid of one of my credit cards. For those new to "Emotional Money" I'm on a mission to get rid of my debt - in one year. It's been going beautifully. But this weekend, my past pattern rose like a giant wave and almost wiped me away.

I attended a "by invitation only" internet seminar two weeks ago. I was blown away by their use of marketing strategies, surveys and the secrets to being on the first pages of search engines. As I am two weeks aways from graduating from WIBO (www.wibo.org) and am constantly looking for ways to continue my education and knowledge in my field, everything stated at the seminar was in alignment with what I'd been learning. Marketing is key to building a succesful business and building your business online using the global market is the key to the future. The only catch was that the specials they would have at the next seminar would be for that day only. They didn't seem like salesmen, they were direct - told us their prices up front and each speaker seemed genuine. To protect myself, before the next seminar, I decided to work out the numbers and decided that I wasn't going to buy anything. My mission - get rid of my debt first while building my saving and investment portfolio. Until that is accomplished, buy only what I have the cash to pay for or what I can pay off in one month. I was going so I could have the day of training but I wouldn't buy anything. I had prepared myself. I have been getting closer and closer to my goal without feeling deprived so no matter how good it looked I wouldn't buy anything. In fact to avoid any temptations I decided that I wouldn't even take my credit cards with me.

Saturday morning, the day of the second seminar arrived and I buckled. I took my credit cards - "just in case" I told myself. What if it was the opportunity of a lifetime? I'll take them but I won't buy anything. In the first twenty minutes I won $10.00 cash. I'd never won anything in my life so even though it was only $10, I was thrilled. During the seminar, the speaker was humorous and genuine. I could see the hours saved when they demonstrated the market research their software performed of all the major search engines; Google, Yahoo, MSN, etc. with a click of a button. The potential, the potential. The special, good for that day only was unbelievable-"what if?", "what if?", This could be the key I thought. I started figuring out another plan-this credit card, this check, financing... Then when I was ready to sign up-suddenly I was no longer listening to what I had come to learn, I started feeling stressed and things just weren't lining up. I couldn't find my representative, I had filled out a paper for financing-it disappered. I had to start over again. I was stressed but that was okay-this feeling where money was concerned was familiar. But I did notice my lack of ease enough to decide to make a call to two people that I trusted. Ironically they had each left me a message "checking in." I was simply "returning their call." Immediately both commented that I didn't sound too good. I avoided and dodged and finally admitted that I was thinking about buying. Both simply acknowledged their concern that I sounded stressed, tight, and strained. A familiar sound, they hadn't heard for a while. An indication to myself that I was playing out an old familiar story/pattern. My past story: the key to what I need is outside of myself and I don't have the money to afford it.

My "rain" is me. I decided to take those credit cards with me "just in case." From my work on myself, my work with my clients, and the conversations with my ever expanding friends and community, I believe and know now that when things aren't lining up and we feel stressed it's time to pay attention. I wasn't ready to say "no" to buying, but it was enough to give me pause and pay attention. I then reached outside of myself and called before taking further action. My "rainbow" is also me. Reaching out confirmed I was enacting my past by hearing through others how badly I sounded. Now I was ready to put my credit cards away and say "no" to buying. I had no feelings of regret or disappointment. I was sticking to my main objective - get out of debt while building my savings and investment portfolio without depriving myself. "Buying" would have destroyed every piece of my main objective.

Old patterns die hard and come when we least expect them. Rain may have to come to remind us how far we've come, but it doesn't mean we have to allow it to again wash us away.






Plan of Action:
Are your actions bringing clouds full of rain or skies filled with rainbows?





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