November 19, 2007

INTERVIEW: ALEXANDRA JACOBY -LEAVING THE CASTLE
Edited by Alexandra Jacoby


Alexandra: I am a visual artist. My idol is Pablo Picasso. I've read several of his biographies and they recount a time when he really felt that his worked sucked. I've seen this same story repeated so it must be true. Every time I read about it, to know that even Picasso felt this way, it's so humanizing. When you feel so fucking pathetic. I so relate.

I just want to let you know that I quit smoking 2 weeks ago. I've been smoking for 25 years. So in case my behavior changes or anything I just feel that it is important to let you know that.

Samarra: Congratulations. How did you make the decision to stop smoking?

Alexandra: I read this horrible smug book called The Easy Way to Stop Smoking by Allen Carr. It's horrible, horrible. What you have to understand is that I never said that I was going to quit. I've been smoking for 25 years. It didn't seem possible that I could quit but when I finished the book I had already decided, a total surprise to me.

I have been doing a lot of cleaning out lately. Do you know that I had all of my pay stubs from 1982? Boxes and boxes and I kept telling myself that at some point, I'll sit down and understand it and I never got around to it. I recently shredded everything.

Samarra: How did it feel?

Alexandra: I don't have any idea...it felt great. We're all so crazy. I had 6 bottles of Murphy's Oil Soap under my sink. Six. I kept buying new ones forgetting that I had some already. (Laughter) I made a deal with my friends that I have to call them before I buy another one to ensure that I use what I already have first.

Samarra (laughter): You are a visual artist and photographer that is now debt free. How did you do it?

Alexandra: About a year ago a friend of mine that has always been in the financial business switched to doing one on one work. She really works with you based on where you're at and from working with her, a seed was planted. I was always paying my credit cards down and marking the time when the 0% interest would end and I was never late so I always getting offers. I just wasn't taking care of it. I would tell my friends and they would say it's only a couple of thousand dollars, it's not that bad. I would never slow down long enough to think about organizing it. But I felt so guilty. It was so humiliating.

Samarra: Humiliating? Guilty? Why did your debt cause you to feel this way?

Alexandra: I come from the most perfectly organized people ever. I think that my father might involuntarily spit up if he ever knew about my debt.

Samarra: You mean he doesn't know?

Alexandra: No! There is no debt in my family. You earn a certain amount and you make decisions about what you spend.

Samarra: It's a very small world, maybe I shouldn't run this interview.

Alexandra: No, it's okay. At least now it would be after the fact. They survived it when they found out that I smoked, of course years after I was a smoker, and they actually took it much better than I thought.

Samarra: So you were feeling humiliated and guilty and you were having to hold this debt as a secret? Were finances talked about in your family when you were growing up?

Alexandra: Not at all. I've worked since I was 14 so I've always had cash. At the age of 25 I was horrified when I couldn't get a credit card without my parents signature. I had always dealt in cash which meant I had no credit. But once I had credit I didn't really understand what I was getting. There were never any conversations about money.

Samarra: Where did you grow up?

Alexandra: I grew up in a very affluent area in Long Island. I hated it. It didn't seem real. My parents are from Israel and we spent summers there, so I always knew that there were other places. The first time that I even learned that I was not middle class was in my 12th grade Macro Economics class in 12th grade and we were looking at a standard of living chart which at that time the highest was $30,000. A very wealthy girl in class leaned over to another classmate and asked "where are we on this chart?" He told her to "shut up." The 16 year olds where I grew up were given BMW's and Mercedes for their birthdays. We weren’t the wealthiest in my neighborhood but this was my neighborhood, my world. In my house we were taught to do the work but at the same time I had no sense of what things were worth. I was labeled "smart" and in this world everyone was expected to go to school and do the Doctor, Lawyer, Wall Street track. I got that. But not much more than that.

Samarra: I only know you as an artist. You organized the annual Vagina Festival featuring over 60 of your incredible pictures which until viewing them on your wall now, I must say I had no idea, as a woman that I knew so little about the female body. Like finances, something that is rarely truly discussed. Seeing these images all at one time, I'm breathless that each picture is as unique as we are. They remind me of the landscapes I saw this summer in Wyoming and South Dakota. Mother Nature. Land. Ironically, I still have a flyer from last year to attend what has now turned out to be your show. What a small world. I couldn't go - I just couldn't imagine looking at images of vaginas but for some reason I kept the flyer. And now seeing them, it's such incredible work you are doing - allowing us the opportunity to understand ourselves, our beauty, our differences, to begin the conversations. This interview, that I expected would simply be about interviewing an artist that is now debt free has made me realize that I had placed you in a very small box and I didn't even realize that I had made all of these very incorrect assumptions. Wow. Thank you. Have you always been an artist?

Alexandra: Yes and no. I've always loved making things with my hands. My mother used to say that if my brother got a gift and I didn’t, I’d be happier with the box from his gift – because I could make something out of it. Yet, when it came to university. I was headed down my intended strictly business track but for some reason, I still don't know why, I decided I wanted to go sky diving. I always had bad ankles and to land you have to do a drop and roll. Of course doing the landing, I tore the ligaments in my ankle and was incapacitated for a month. I was never a dare devil, I don't know why I decided to do that but having done it and having gotten hurt, it became clear to me that I didn’t care about my business classes enough to go to class. Next semester, I switched to English Literature. Which, at the time, seemed like stepping away from the business world, but what followed was a series of jobs that don’t directly relate to my education or my art. In the background, I have always done my art – painting, vagina vérité® - and, next Vagina Festival: group art.

Samarra: Are you saying that you have a “corporate” job? What do you do?

Alexandra: I'm the Vice President of Marketing for US Balloon where I have worked on and off the last 13 years. We are the largest, nationwide distributor of balloons. (She hands me a 594 page catalog.)

Samarra: This interview is...amazing. Being still fairly new to New York I was a little thrown by the change of the neighborhood - the doormen and that you lived across the street from the UN. I had a moment of realizing I don't fully know who I am interviewing and I was struck that I felt suddenly scared or not ready or something. Amazing. What an enlightening experience this is!

Alexandra: I always worked in corporate jobs earning a lot of money but I also always wanted to kill them dead. I wanted to only do my art but I also didn’t want to leave my well paying jobs. But this caused me to have no sense of balance. I have always been responsible but I had no connection to the price I was paying. I would come home after long hours of work and I would be desperate to make something, I was trying to make some sense of it. I had to come to terms with the fact that I care about a need to make money. But I was detached from it. It was something I always had, but it wasn't something that was ever discussed, it was something I always earned but I was never taught that it requires being managed. I was self reliant and always did very well in school and at my jobs but I also had no clue. Having debt made me feel like I was a failure. In fact, a friend of mine that I've known since childhood recently said to me, "you know I always thought that it was strange that you never knew how much anything would cost in the store." And like my parents, she never thought to ask or tell me anything about it.

Samarra: What is it that then caused you to ask "hey, what am I doing?"

Alexandra: I think the first major shift began when I turned 38 and I needed to get a job. I had never had trouble getting a job and it took a little time. Prior to this, I was always so busy. I had no future thinking. Everything was all about right now. Five year plans? I had 5 minutes. At 38, I had to face the fact that with all the experience I had, I had set aside nothing for the future. Suddenly I said to myself "Oh. I have got to change how I do things."

I have now been debt free since August 21st . It feels like it's been years. Now I pay my credit card off continually. I look at everything weekly and it takes no time. I am clearing and cleansing and getting rid of boxes and things that I've had for so many years. I've not smoked for days, I am not killing myself working my corporate job. I understand that the money I earn in the corporate world pays the bills and having that financial security is important to me. And I am doing my art. I will be doing the 2nd Annual Vagina Festival and I want to collect a few more pictures. I have been working on this series for seven years and I feel like it's coming to a close. When I have collected those pictures than I can publish my book. I just met with a lawyer to register my business -the name of it is "leave the castle."

Samarra: Perfect name. What a powerful lesson I have learned. Thank you for causing me to leave my castle and further continue my own explorations about money, labels, mother-nature and the female body. Funny, how everything is connected. And the importance of the consequences that result when we don't talk about things, especially finances and our bodies. The result is shame and humiliation and secret suffering. Thank you for being willing to share your experience. Hopefully it will help others share their experience. Sharing with just one other person relieves the feelings of shame and guilt because we usually discover that we aren't alone. What do you hope others can learn from your incredible journey.

Alexandra: That you really don't know what you can do until you start doing it - be willing to start without knowing how it will end. And value small steps. They add up!




The Vagina Festival will be April 4th-April 8th at Sage Theatre (2nd Floor)on 711 7th Avenue, between 47th and 48th Street. Please visit www.vaginafestival.com.
vagina vérité® is on exhibit for two more weeks at The Red Tent Women's Project - www.redtentwomensproject.org. Visit the website for their hours.

Here is an except from her website:
VAGINA FESTIVAL is an opportunity to have conversations we don't typically get to have. In ways we don't typically get to have them.

Through visual art, performance, speaker presentations and interactive activities, Vagina Festival forms a welcoming space for exploring sexuality, body image, personal identity, health and well-being.


At Vagina Festival, we exchange ideas, challenge cultural norms and celebrate women.

Our aim is to engage people by creating a fun, moving, thought-provoking experience. Join us!

If you'd like to be a part of organizing and promoting Vagina Festival, check out our list of participation opportunities.


PLAN OF ACTION:
The holiday season whether you are having 20 people over or are spending it alone, there is a stress and an edge that gets created in the air. People "have to", "were supposed to", "have to choose", "squeeze in" etc....remember this as you interact with those around you and remember that our assumptions can be completely off the mark. Ask questions, speak from your core, listen and RELATE! It's priceless.



SAMARRA AM MANAGEMENT EVENTS
Title: CCC: Why We Can't Resist Their S***wipe!
When: Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Where: The Red Tent Women's Project
338 4th Street, between 5th & 6th Avenues, ground floor
Brooklyn, NY 11215
Time: 7:30-9pm
Cost: Free (accepted donations - all proceeds will support the
The Red Tent Women's Project)

Mark your calendars and stay tuned for details.
Visit:www.redtentwomensproject.org to learn more about this wonderful organization.


Free Teleseminar Monday, December 3rd 8pm-9pm!
Mark your calendars and stay tuned for the topic.

EVENTS
Title: The Red Tent Women's Project Holiday Bazzar
When: Saturday, December 8 & Sunday, December 9th
Where: The Red Tent Women's Project
338 4th Street, between 5th & 6th Avenues, ground floor
Brooklyn, NY 11215
Time: 1pm-6pm

Candles, soaps, photography, hand-knitted scarves & sweaters, body & skin care, jewelry and much much more!

A portion of the proceeds will support The Red Tent Women's Project.



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Copyright 2007